I think it might have been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, keeping a tiny flicker of hope in my heart that I would find the type of love one is sold from a very young age. The kind of love which overshadows circumstance and convenience, the kind of love which makes you conscious and sensitive towards someones else’s happiness – putting theirs above your own. Somehow I found so much more; a man who makes me see the selfishness of my ways, the emptiness of my anger, the essentialness of kindness, making me want me to want to be a better person. I didn’t even know that being loved and love could feel like this. No fear or paranoia or power games. There is so much I have to write, and I have this need to pen it all down – not unlike my best friend who I met because of these very pages – Sexy RedFrame! Its been a decade, a decade of stumbling, heartbreak, loneliness, even comprising my dignity sometimes to escape loneliness but also bravery and friendships and adventures and happiness and success on my terms and finally her words of encouragement and hope ring true – you can find the love you deserve!
It is raining in Seattle. Fall has begun, and it is beautiful. Its been my favourite part about moving to the US – this time of year and the Pacific North West, in particular, becomes a snowglobe of startling beauty! We were married o the 1st of September in a beautiful Catholic church in Brooklyn New York. I wore a white lace dress with substantial bell sleeves and carried a bouquet of King Proteas and dark Madonna roses. We used confetti made from the last bunch of roses he brought me before we left Seattle. My Dad was in his kilt, and my Mom wore a dazzling emerald green dress, my brother; tall and handsome delivering his reading in a manner which made my heart want to explode with pride, my best friend a vision of grace and elegance. All I really remember about walking down the aisle was a desire to get to my husband to be, my brooding, sexy man with the softest eyes and hold his hand. It really was the most perfect unorchestrated day!