Black, black, black…

How are you supposed to feel…?

When the day has passed by without a phone call from your boyfriend of seven years?
When the question of the day is – so what did your boyfriend do for you today? What are you doing tonight?
When you can’t look away from bunches of roses being delivered to the office – because roses are after all your favourite flowers.
When you imagine how it would feel to be surprised by him…the happiness and joy that would fill your heart by the gesture…
When your colleague slowly disappears from behind the enormous heart covered teddy bears and larger than life sunflowers?
When you know that you’ll go home to an empty house and the end of yet another successive disappointing Valentines Day because you have a boyfriend that buys chocolates for his customers and romances his business?

The inevitable result; maybe tears at midnight, maybe a glass / bottle to drown the pain and subdue the anger, the anger that will unfortunately start to boil away under my layers in the days to come.

I used to loathe Valentines Day, painted all my roses black. But these are the most important moments of our lives, the foundation on which we are building our future. I have been as understanding as humanly possible in the circumstances. I am so sick of self pity – but this is really too much to swallow gracefully.

How the hell am I supposed to feel??????


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