I am only now starting to feel slightly human. I went to see ‘my’ man yesterday. I broke down like a real sorry ass lump of custard. I told him that everything has gone horribly wrong. As I looked around the home we shared together for two years, it just broke me. I feel like a completely different women to the girl that arrived here – all naïve and trusting. I thought I was ready for anything. He then told me he will make things right. I don’t know what he means – but it felt good to have a moment to let go, to be held and to let down my guard!
Where I get really confused in life – is how much do you leave in the universes’ hands and how much do you take control of your own destiny? Right now I feel like surrendering, like letting go and just waiting to see what’s next. But should I rather be making firm decisions?? It has always confused me! Analysis paralysis – whatever will be, will be?? Or will it??? Just how much of an active role do we play in our lives??
Oh dear I need to put a stop to this!
My flat looks a bit like a bomb blast and I need new tyres. Slowly the admin of my world seems to increasing at an alarming rate.
“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.”
Ella Wheeler Wilcox
“The torment of precautions often exceeds the dangers to be avoided. It is sometimes better to abandon one’s self to destiny.”