Okay – In my heightened state of awareness and concentration, I think now is the time to come up with a game plan for my work colleague, aka ‘the orchestral chewer’
A bag of chips: The combination of the rustle of the bag, the very loud crisps breaking between teeth made louder by the mouth being open then the sucking and swallowing sounds are just unbearable. No human being should have to tolerant this! Action plan: slowly grab your box of cigarettes and walk casually out the door.
Chewing gum: This poses many problems due to its length and consistency. The timing is also quite inconvenient as it normally takes place soon after the previous explosion and I am caught unaware whilst chilling in the glorious silence. Action Plan: Headphones and Led Zeppelin!
A peach: I cannot even begin to describe the horrors of this one! Action Plan: run screaming out the door
Coffee or liquids: Thankfully there is not too much chewing involved, I think I may just have to accept this one, I mean I have on the occasion slurped a milkshake. Never coffee though…
A sandwich / pasta meal: This thankfully happens at about the same time each day. Action plan: Grab cigarettes, sunglasses , credit card – time for lunch.