Office coping mechanisms

Okay – In my heightened state of awareness and concentration, I think now is the time to come up with a game plan for my work colleague, aka ‘the orchestral chewer’

A bag of chips: The combination of the rustle of the bag, the very loud crisps breaking between teeth made louder by the mouth being open then the sucking and swallowing sounds are just unbearable. No human being should have to tolerant this! Action plan: slowly grab your box of cigarettes and walk casually out the door.

Chewing gum: This poses many problems due to its length and consistency. The timing is also quite inconvenient as it normally takes place soon after the previous explosion and I am caught unaware whilst chilling in the glorious silence. Action Plan: Headphones and Led Zeppelin!

A peach: I cannot even begin to describe the horrors of this one! Action Plan: run screaming out the door

Coffee or liquids: Thankfully there is not too much chewing involved, I think I may just have to accept this one, I mean I have on the occasion slurped a milkshake. Never coffee though…

A sandwich / pasta meal: This thankfully happens at about the same time each day. Action plan: Grab cigarettes, sunglasses , credit card – time for lunch.


6 thoughts on “Office coping mechanisms

  1. Reminded me of our office slurper suddenly… he used to do the crisp thing too, which was bad enough… but the killer was the yogurt.

    He would take forever on the damn thing, and it would end up on his hands and subsequently his keyboard, and the noise… sheesh!

    All we could do was just turn up our music and IM each other to giggle like school kids, lol.

  2. You could feed her peanut butter to see if her tongue will stick to her pallet (sp?).

    Or you could just tell her she’s f-ing noisy? 😉

  3. Rox – that sounds horrid!! I too fear the yogurt!

    Louisa – hahaha – I can only imagine the horrors if I were to do such a thing! Problem is, she is a really rather nice chick! It just intensifies the dilemma!

  4. Hehe I dont have this problem, cos you cannot eat in a laboratory. IT’s cool you can work with your earphones on though.

  5. Po – I would trade the no eating rule for my headphones anyday at this stage! I think it is kinda cool that you work in a lab 😉

  6. Oh dear what a conundrum… Your current plans of action might a) burn up your credit card or more scarily b) hasten the terrible effects of smoking all those cigarettes just to get away. It’s going to have to be Led Zeppelin!

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