I decided to go down that road this weekend. The long road to the place I once called home. It was the first time I had been back since I left. His eyes lit up when he first saw me, the way they used to before the romance turned to ashes. It was easy to smile and talk. He is experiencing great success at the moment amd recognition for his talent and dedication. There was a moment when it felt almost instinctual to hold hands and it felt strange to halt the gesture – I felt the awkwardness for the both of us.
The flat felt cold and looked dark. His heavy wooden furniture without the stuff that softened. My stuff. The silly, the trivial – the woman’s touch – the warmth. He found some photographs from past holidays. It was sad to see myself standing by the sea, young, uninhibited in a red bikini – the best I have ever looked, completely unbeknown to me then. Pictures of us together laughing, crazy antics. One where I am feeding an antelope lettuce, then using the self timed camera – me on his lap, legs wrapped around him – crazy in love! If only I knew the ugliness to come would kill all that – leave me bitter and resentful – taking too long to leave, to let go, to give up!
When he hugged me goodbye, for a moment I thought I had made a mistake going there, it was feeling too familiar and suddenly I felt tired. More tired than I have felt in a really long time. The desire to stay in his arms was strong. There is a certain sweetness in surrender.
Thankfully a blissful distraction was headed my way. A Salsa party. Putting all those lessons to the test. Two uniformed dancers arrived at my flat for drinks beforehand. A scruffy Chris with black nails and untucked shirt along with his cheeky sexy girlfriend in the tiniest tunic I have ever seen! Back- to-school was the theme. The last time I went to a Back-to-school party was at The Doors in Marshall Street Joburg. I wore my brown tunic and 14 ups Dr Martins. My boyfriend at the time wore one glove and fashioned his look on the Breakfast Club’s John Bender. The biggest comparison – well I was still actually in school at the last one! One can only imagine the thrill of wearing your hated uniform with Docs and black lipstick and then proceed to head bang to Metallica, drink tequila and make out with your boyfriend!
The night whizzed by in a dizzying blur of turns, salsa, lollipops, pigtails and sexy men in boyish attire! It was pretty damn impressive. There is something mesmerising watching accomplished dancers take to the floor. There is no TV sequined glamor, fake smiles and big hair sprayed hair. Just low down dirty sexy dancing.