It has been a really long time since I have written anything. Normally the consequence of such a lapsed period of catharsis that writing normally brings me – results in a confused mind, heavy and thick and tangled. But this time I am okay. Somehow, someway, my methods, my lifestyle has resulted in so many amazing things in my life. In a way to write about them seems almost greedy.
I also fear that my words will not in any shape or form really delineate life as I have experienced it – in this sentence I know beyond certainty that I don’t think I can ever write for an audience. I am a selfish writer. I crave that catharsis. I crave that clarity, that addictive high from taking out the knots. One of my favorite gifts for my birthday was a lovely multi-chained silver and gold necklace, adorned with hearts of all shapes and sizes. SexyRed mentioned she was worried I would get irritated by the amount of times you need to untangle the chains – but somehow it makes the necklace that much more special. Time passes and somehow, gratefully many concepts for me become simpler – life starts untangling in brief dazzling moments – like this one, here right now in a new office, with new fresh energy, a fresh start and the world as my playground.
My passion in life is an unstructured thing. It is inconsistent. It comes in burst of flames after a prolonged coma. I will wake up in the middle of the night brimming with concepts, ideas, and carefully constructed fantasies. Once there is pressure, the flames are quickly doused. Creativity; writing a hobby: an accessory which I love like hearts on a necklace!
So here I am a year older, most definitely wiser and still getting a thrill from the look of these words on white.
There is nothing I ever want to take for granted.