This is going to take some time I think. What can I possibly write about myself that will fit on one page….
I could offer facts. Facts are cold and unfeeling and allows for the laziness of generalising..
Or I could merely say that this is for my own self indulgence and is a much desired creative outlet .
I once read that when two people are in a room, there are actually six people present. The person you think you are, the person who you think the other is and the people who you actually are. I once was fascinated about learning and challenging these facets of myself, but slowly I am finding a peace in being brave – letting it go and just wanting to be me. Me in the here and now – with all my memories and experiences and bravery and chipped armour…
Who am I? Well I am a woman, still pretty much young at heart. I am rebellious by nature, head-fast and stubborn. I have my virtues and I have my vices. I seldom do anything in moderation and do not enjoy feeling vulnerable.
I have grown to love life with all its ups and downs, but I wallow in nostalgia for events unfolding in front of me, I am sentimental, even before the moment actually passes, I want to hold on and never let go of of those moments bursting with happiness and love and excitement- there was a line in Before Sunset which made me actually take cognizance of this:
Celine: “I always have this strange feeling that I’m this very old woman laying down in bed about to die. You know, that my life is just memories or something.”
That my life is simply memories…it fed my incessant need to document every experience.
But looking back now – how lucky am I that those bursts of excitement still come – in great big waves – after all the shit and heartbreak and knocks – I can still feel moments of joy.